There’s a common misconception that art is not a feasible career. Since I was younger, I received messages from the people around me that artists were “starving” or that art was merely a hobby and that it was not a realistic career goal. I remember being able to tune those messages out completely until the age of 18. I was so confident in my photography and in my growing fine art skills. I wanted nothing more than to become a professional photographer and there was no societal fear that was going to stop me from achieving my dreams. My confidence was rooted in my passion for creating and the sheer enjoyment I got out of practicing my craft. I often found myself in flow when I was creating art. Flow is a concept from Positive Psychology that describes a mental state where a person experiences so much passion and enjoyment out of what they’re doing that they completely lose sense of time. Flow allowed me to stay up all hours of the night finishing a painting and not even realize I had done so until I looked at the clock.
I experienced my first lapse in artistic confidence when I entered NYU’s Tisch School of the Arts as a Photography & Imaging major. I was surrounded by a sea of talented artists who were just as good and better than I was. I had to turn in artwork every week and receive critique on my work as a part of a 4-hour long studio. I felt a complete lack of inspiration, even though I was turning out a prolific amount of artwork. Amidst all this, I felt a pressure to pursue more lucrative avenues of photography (i.e., fashion, commercial, etc.) even though I had no interest in that style of art. Ultimately, I found myself very unhappy in my major and decided I should switch to another subject.
Because of my deep interest in portraiture and storytelling through art, I decided to study Psychology. I felt as though getting to learn more about the inner workings of humans would broaden my skillset and inform a greater inspiration for my artwork. I instantly fell in love with Psychology and found myself creating now only when I felt inspired to create something. I was no longer bound by deadlines, grades, or inevitable comparisons to my peers. I felt more confident than ever in my artwork and I also found a new passion in Psychology.
I’ve considered myself to be an artist my entire life, but I often found myself struggling with the discipline to create my own website. Even through all the hits to my confidence I’ve experienced in the art world, I ultimately kept returning to my initial interest in working as an artist: enjoyment. I had so much fun creating art, so why wouldn’t I enjoy curating my own website? Ultimately, I came to terms with the fact that I’m never going to create something that’s going to be universally accepted by everyone. However, I decided that other people’s judgements didn’t matter to me and I wanted to share my artwork with the world because it brings me joy and I hope that one day my art pieces bring joy to those who happen to see them.
